Food Jealousy

Nothing like a birthday party filled with little kiddos your own child's age to make you feel like a complete failure!

We attended an absolutely wonderful birthday party over the weekend, lots of friendly parents with their little ones, and so many of them were around the same age. Lots of playing at the water table, or cruising in the buggies. I was smart enough to eat in advance, I have learned this, because beyond salad I don't know that anything is really safe, so I just don't partake. That's fine and I can deal with my own food jealousy as guests around me mow down on yummy sandwiches or decadent cupcakes. I know what I have to do to keep my son happy and healthy, so I do it and I don't complain, though I may want to secretly steal that steak tip and devour it in 2.2 seconds.

But when it comes to our son, my food jealousy strikes a different nerve. To see babies eating a variety of foods, or drinking out of a sippy cup with a straw, makes me feel like I have somehow failed Chase. I know, ONE DAY, he will get there. But seeing this comparative so black & white in my face, brings about more doubt and questions. What is this no solids doing to his development? Are his food allergies going to stunt his development? Will he not be as tall or as smart or as atheletic because of all this? Is his long term health in jeopardy?

And I know its silly, but as we sung happy birthday to Chase's adorable little buddy and he enjoyed his first ever cupcake with absolute joy, I couldn't help but feel sad that Chase won't have that traditional American right of passage on his birthday. I had always considered this may be a possibility, well, at least not having cake, and I made plans in my head how to compensate, with a fantastic gelatine, fruit juice, and fresh fruit concoction that would knock the pants off any regular smash cake. But now, here we are 4 weeks away from his birthday and I don't know that he can have ANYTHING! And if he is doing great by then, do I risk it and make something close to safe with the hope it passes?

No matter what happens on his birthday, and every day before and after, I know we are living a different life and I need to learn to let go of expectations, anger and jealousy. The space those emotions take up could be much better served if it were more patience and smiles as we navigate our foodless life!

First Food Trail.....Day 2

It's official in my mind, and surprisingly, the hubby agrees - Avocado was a fail. Dangit!

Here's the thing though, I have been eating avocado slices every few days, and always use avocado oil on my salad and he's been fine, why when he eats it does he completely change? My theory is his gut isn't healed enough yet, and we need more time to get it there. Maybe one day guacamole will be in his future!

Yesterday was hubby's day home with the boy, and so when I got home I grilled him on the day's events to see if the small changes I saw overnight exploded into anything worse in the 12+hours after ingestion.

How were his naps? how do his eyes look? his bum? was he cranky? screetchy? jumpy when you held him? putting his thumb in his ear? was he warmer than usual? did he have his mouth open more?

I grilled my hubby like a NY detective grills a suspect. Every little thing I could imagine seeing a change in I asked about. And as Phil started to answer yes to many of my questions, I think the light bulb went off for him too. It's too coincidental that a multitude of changes are brought on by food exposure simultaneously, to the point where as a group of symptoms they cannot be attributed to "just being 11mo old".

The naps. The same child that had taken 90min naps morning and afternoon consistently for the past week or so, and had a 3hr nap in the morning and another 90min nap in the afternoon just the day before, went to waking up 45min into both naps, needing to be soothed and held to complete the rest of the nap. Ding Ding Ding. Same exact thing happened when we had the "peach infraction".

His eyes looked more wrinkled than they had the day before, with a tinge of puffiness. His bum looked ok to Phil, but he was definitely crankier and needier than he had been in days. I experienced this when I got home too, wanted up, but once he was in my arms, wanted down or if being entertained, it didn't satiate him for more than 5min. He was wiggly as anything too, which given how calm and chill he had been the last week, was a glaring sign that his little body was in overdrive. He was still very warm when I got home, enough so that I took his temp and it was 99.7°. And for the rest of the evening, I noticed his mouth was open a lot more. When he is happy and content, he keeps his mouth closed and breathes through his nose, but when he's reacting, he keeps his mouth open. Weird I know, but its one of the signs I have caught on to.

Our evening and his attitude were eerily similar to two weeks prior. Frustrated and defeated, I worried what sleep would be like that night and how in heck I would ever get this wiggly little guy calm enough to go to sleep. Phil was running errands and honestly I wasn't in the mood to do a full on tubby with Captain Wiggle Worm, but I knew he needed some sort of detox to help him out. Rather than an epsom salts bath, I warmed up grapeseed oil on the stove, and added the salts to it to dissolve. After I added even more salts, brought the oil and the bubs upstairs and proceeded to give him a spa-like salt scrub massage. All over his legs, torso and arms, I worked in the mix to hopefully pull out any toxins being released by the reaction. I also put Oil of Oregano on his feet, again to help draw out the toxins. Nursing him down took a little longer than normal, and you could tell he was trying to get comfy and just couldn't. Finally asleep, I laid him in his crib and honestly guessed that it wouldn't last long, and we'd have one of those nights. Funny thing happened....HE SLEPT 3 HOURS! Then once in bed with us, he slept another 3 hours, then 90min then another 90min. I really think the salts helped him recover from the avocado infraction!

But as I was nursing him to sleep, the overreactionary, worried mom in me took over. My kid can't even eat an avocado! I know maybe it's just fruits or stone fruits or whatever, and its not ALL FOOD, but right now, my little boy is so "behind" with the food stuff and it finally hit me. I started to worry about his brain development, and strong bones and growing tall and achieving everything we want for him, and worrying that somehow this stupid food thing is going to seriously put him at health, atheletic or academic disadvantages. And then I cried. Luckily I have a good partner who reminds me that this won't last forever and with everything we have to offer as his parents, Chase will be just fine. And he's right!

First Food Trail.....Day 1 a fail?

We saw the nutritionist on Monday and she worried that we have been off solids for a long time, and doens't want to see any developmental regressions because solids are not a part of Chase's diet. She implored us to try solids by our next GI appt, which is this coming Monday. So we tried avocado, what should be a relatively harmless food and a really nutrient dense food. He's done ok with me eating it and getting it via BM, but how did he fare?

We started with a skin test. I smeared avocado mush on his forearm and waited an hour. He didn't have a rash, so I proceeded. I gave his about a tablespoon of avocado and waited an hour. He seemed fine. Cool. He had already taken a 3 hr nap, and took another 90min nap until 5:30, so it did not seem to disrupt his sleep. I gave him 3 tablespoons for dinner. He was a bit cranky as the night progressed which given how much he slept during the day, surprised me. When I changed his diaper, his bum was a little red, but no red ring. I started to wonder how our night would go, fearing this was just the beginning...

He sat in my lap and rocked while we read one book. This is actually a test for me, if he is super wiggly and doesn't want to cuddle, its a cue that he is reacting. The last few nights he has sat through 2, sometimes 3 books. Last night was just one, then a little play on the floor, and nursing. Took a while to nurse him down, and he needed to work a substantial burp out, but he nursed down by 9 or 9:30.

I happened to fall asleep with him, and don't remember my hubby waking me up from the Lazy Boy in the nursery to our bed, but I remember the first wake at midnight-ish, and his cry was different. He woke at 2, 4, 5 and up for the day at 6. His wakes seemed more disturbed, with a different cry and he seemed a little pissed when waking up. This morning, he was jived, a tad irritable, and only wanted Mumma. His skin felt warm, but he didn't have hives. He followed me to the front door and cried when I left for work, a first.

The way food trials go, or at least the way I do them, is skin test, small amount on day 1, wait for delayed reactions on day 2, food again on day 3, again wait on day 4.....Based on how Day 1 went, I am just not sure if avocado passes....

baby lead weaning?

well, for all the research I have done on BF-ing, attachment parenting, and the like, solid foods have probably had the least amount of erin-overthetop-hoursongoogle - research that I usually like to do with any decision regarding C$, especially a medical one like food. But alas, he just got hungry and I went for it with a little information and the best of intentions. I felt extra good when my homemade purees were gobbled up with glee. Cue sparkling sunshine glow, and me basking in my glory. We have been doing the purees for a month now and I thought he was doing pretty good. Up until yesterday, here was our list of purees he had tried

bananas, avocados, pears, apples, cantaloupe, and turkey soup

Well then, I tripped upon a blog via Kellymom and it talked about Baby Led Weaning. I had always thought BLW was letting the little one decide when to stop nursing, something I already intended to do to the shegrin of just about everyone I know over 40. Nope, wrongo! BLW is a self feeding plan that encourages a baby to feed themselves. Offer solid foods in the size of french fries, and let baby at it (under watchful eyes in case of gagging, of course).
http://forum.babyledweaning.com/index.php

Wow, this seemed neat. I didn't have enough time to do full research last night, but ha, to hell with it, I was bound and determined to try it on Chase when I got home. I shared my newfound knowledge (little of it that I had) with Phil, who like any good father worried about his child's safety, told me I was nuts and was pretty against me doing it! Well, not that I don't respect my hubby, I do, but shouldn't we let Chase tell us if we are nuts? I cut spears of cantaloupe, and made Phil gum it with his lips, showing him how soft and hopefully safe it was for Chase. And......we let Chase have at it. Well, wouldn't you know, the kid got it! He totally got it and was happy trying to figure out how to feed himself. Unfortunately the cantaloupe was pretty squishy and so its wasn't as successful actually getting into the belly, but he got the whole concept. I was oh so proud.