Food Jealousy

Nothing like a birthday party filled with little kiddos your own child's age to make you feel like a complete failure!

We attended an absolutely wonderful birthday party over the weekend, lots of friendly parents with their little ones, and so many of them were around the same age. Lots of playing at the water table, or cruising in the buggies. I was smart enough to eat in advance, I have learned this, because beyond salad I don't know that anything is really safe, so I just don't partake. That's fine and I can deal with my own food jealousy as guests around me mow down on yummy sandwiches or decadent cupcakes. I know what I have to do to keep my son happy and healthy, so I do it and I don't complain, though I may want to secretly steal that steak tip and devour it in 2.2 seconds.

But when it comes to our son, my food jealousy strikes a different nerve. To see babies eating a variety of foods, or drinking out of a sippy cup with a straw, makes me feel like I have somehow failed Chase. I know, ONE DAY, he will get there. But seeing this comparative so black & white in my face, brings about more doubt and questions. What is this no solids doing to his development? Are his food allergies going to stunt his development? Will he not be as tall or as smart or as atheletic because of all this? Is his long term health in jeopardy?

And I know its silly, but as we sung happy birthday to Chase's adorable little buddy and he enjoyed his first ever cupcake with absolute joy, I couldn't help but feel sad that Chase won't have that traditional American right of passage on his birthday. I had always considered this may be a possibility, well, at least not having cake, and I made plans in my head how to compensate, with a fantastic gelatine, fruit juice, and fresh fruit concoction that would knock the pants off any regular smash cake. But now, here we are 4 weeks away from his birthday and I don't know that he can have ANYTHING! And if he is doing great by then, do I risk it and make something close to safe with the hope it passes?

No matter what happens on his birthday, and every day before and after, I know we are living a different life and I need to learn to let go of expectations, anger and jealousy. The space those emotions take up could be much better served if it were more patience and smiles as we navigate our foodless life!